Oh Steve Jobs, patron saint of laptops, please bring healing energy to my ailing computer. She has served me well for two and a half years, and the thought of replacing my faithful friend pains me. Mostly because she was fucking expensive and she needs to put out for at least another two years. But also because I love her.

Yes, the new macbook pros are things of beauty, masterwork creations of aluminum and silicon, but alas; the loss of an arm and a leg are just too much to bear in this time. The enclosed keyboard structure is proof of Your genius, and the improved trackpad control with increased multitouch support makes me weep with joy. The glossy screens and introduction of yet another video adapter make me think blasphemous, murderous thoughts, but I overlook these minor details in light of the sleek design and increased battery life You have brought to us.

St. Jobs, I have but one question, and I hope You will not strike me down for my insolence. I must ask, though: Why the FUCK are there no Firewire 400 ports, and only ONE Firewire 800 port? Surely You must have divine reasoning for such a decision, and it is merely beyond the comprehension of we mortals.

I look forward to the day when I may enjoy Your new creation. Until then, however, I ask that my dearest laptop be spared. I hope with all of my being that she will live a long and fulfilling life of composing and video editing, assuming I ever get off my ass and do either of those things. May You bestow your blessings, so that she may live to see The Dissertating. This I pray.

With my deepest love and devotion. Always. Forever. Amen.

Filed under: technology by Megan